Separation: A reflection on a memory

October 18th 2011

It's that awful feeling deep in your stomach,

The pain at the sight of the beauty of morning,

The sun is rising, rushing the stars away and you are forced to let go.

To let go of all that is falling behind you,

On the highway being eaten up ahead of you by time,

Can't look back.

Goodbye.

The air is cold and fresh in your nose like the tears on your cheek,

The knowledge that it is over and no one else will mourn,

The history books will be ignorant and no archeologist will find this treasure.

Moving, dividing, separating.

If time and God heal all wounds, there's a reason Heaven lasts forever.

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
1 Chronicles 16:34


Often I see thanks giving connected to God's lovingkindness or His goodness. Like in 1 Chronicles but again I see it five times in Psalm 107: "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men!"
So seeing as it was just Thanksgiving I figured it was about time I start publicly giving thanks because "I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to You among the nations." -Psalm 57:9


I work well with lists sometimes.


Hot Water-
I'm thankful for this for many reasons.
 -First, not many people actually get water to endlessly pour over their heads, even fewer get to pick the sort of temperature they want it to be.
 -Second, back in Slovakia I could make breakfast while waiting for the water to heat up and sometimes I would wait through Christmas and New years before realizing that the heater was out of hot water. (Slight exaggeration may have been applied.) Suffice to say, I liked stepping into my hot shower this morning.


School
-As tiring and annoying as it can be, I'm so thankful for being at Blinn and being a lantern for the Lord on that campus.
-Education is fun.
-Professors are funny.


Winning Tickets to the final Lone Star Showdown
-Even if we did lose, it was awesome to be there and the fact that I won sweeps steaks to get there was crazy.
-Being able to take MaryGrace, my sister.


Food
-Sometimes less common than you may realize.
-Sometimes more delicious than you'd expect.
-Thanksgiving meal.


Music
-I feel like if all music stopped the world would simply just stop turning.
-$100 iTunes gift card from Apple. = well over 100 songs and 6 hours of music gained in one night.
-A close second to the Holy Spirit for connecting people.


A Car
-Even when it's totaled it gets me around. Here's to Harvey Dent!
-Complete coverage from State Farm. What a good neighbor.


The Word
-Even though I haven't been in it enough this semester at all, it's my passion and motivation.


Family
-Always loving, always forgiving. This is not a common happening and I praise God for that.


Friends
-I'm always surprised at my friends for how accepting and interested in me they are.
-Randomly going to Galveston with Nate to hanging out with the Veronies at the beach. I don't think any really realized how much good that did my soul. I loved it.


The Rain
-I woke up this morning to the sound of the rain. After this summer of praying for rain and still now for the sake of camp next summer, it was a great song of praise on my rooftop.


The Coming of Our Lord in Glory
-What keeps me going.
-Come, Lord Jesus, Come.


Merlin
-Because a new episode is coming out today and that's way exciting!

Romans 15 and Haiti

Romans 15:19-20

"And so I have made it my aim to preach the gospel, not where Christ was named, 

lest I should build on another man’s foundation, but as it is written: 

      “ To whom He was not announced, they shall see;

      And those who have not heard shall understand.”

On January 3rd I am going to Haiti with a Hand full of friends to minister to the Haitian people through a kids' camp. I have never been to Haiti before and know a very small something about it. I do know the heart of God though and I look forward to this trip with much seriousness, expectation and joy. This is a moment for God to shine and my hope is simply to be a lantern of the Light and be a tool of glory for my Lord Jesus Christ's name sake.
We're going into a culture that wasn't raised on Veggie Tales, "In God We Trust" or in towns with multiple churches on the same street. We're not going into a world we can relate to. We're going into a world where the name of the creator of the world, the name of Jesus has no previous connotations. This has been a calling to me, if not of the Lord of my own heart. I desire so much to share the Truth of Jesus Christ with those who have never known how much they need Him. There is nothing more than this.

Father Abraham

Reading through Romans always brings something to me. I never know what it's going to be but it's going to happen. This time it happened in chapter four. Paul writes about Abraham and it is always sort of my zone out point. You know if I wanted to hear about Abraham I'd go to Genesis! But there is a reason (as there always is) that God has him spoken of in Romans. I'm not saying I know it but this is what I see: Abraham had faith. This we all know because that's what Paul writes about. He's comparing the faith of Abraham to the faith of the modern Christian. They are the same, despite thousands of years of change, faith in the unchanging God hasn't changed.
What stuck me this read through was verse 21. I don't think you should really extract any sections of sentences from texts and the fact that we do that with the Bible more than anything is frightening but I won't make you read the whole text. "...and being fully convinced that what [God] had promised He was also able to perform."
How often are we truly, honestly and practically convinced that God would do what He promised? How often do we take His Word for it? How often do we hear what He has to say and then act on it, knowing He'll follow through?


"I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Amen.”


"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"


“And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.”


And then when He calls on us to do hard things, things we honestly just don't have the will to do, will you do it? If we fear, will we forget what Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah knew? Will we forget what all the disciples were convinced of? Stephen, Paul, Jan Hus, Nate Saint and all the men of faith that were convinced of the Truth of the Word of God.

Michael the Turtle

Now I don't know how common it is but in my circles of friends I have found myself in interesting discussions. Sitting around, hanging out and talking about if we were animals, what animals would we be?  I enjoy this game, I almost enjoy it as much as the "what element-benders would we be?" but that's for another day.
Often I am compared to a bird, some sort of bird but oddly enough, I am consistently a turtle. I have a few friends, friends who don't know each other, who have said that I'm a turtle. Never really knew how to take that. I mean turtles are cool, don't get me wrong, but birds just seemed a little more generally attractive. But today, I was in class discussing culture and turtles came up. (Really you should take this class, we talk about everything. This was just a little before power rangers came up.) My professor talked about how turtles were see in the eastern world as wise, self-efficient beings. They may be slow but they are tough and–what I thought was coolest– they carry their homes with them. That became quite interesting to me, knowing me and how those few people saw turtle in me.
Last night my friend was telling me about how she was looking forward to sleeping in her own bed tonight because she was going home. I didn't say anything really but my thoughts went to the fact that I don't have my own bed anymore, just the one I bought when I moved to college. I don't really mind all that much, it just came back to being a turtle. I guess I am a turtle. When I'm in Texas I'm a European, when I'm in Slovakia I'm a Texan, I carry the only home I know with me and that's the Kingdom of God.

One thing.

Here I sit leaning against a pillar on Blinn College Campus. It's almost nine and no one seems to be here. I know that's not true because many classes are still in session. I'm watching Merlin and it is a fine night out. I stop and wonder how much glory and beautiful goes unnoticed.
The proud Texas flag waves on the autumn breeze, the moth dances around the lamp post, crickets, distant cars, and very little else. Most of all the full moon is glowing with the sun's light. We spend so much time in cars, inside, online, using phones. Me more than any. I so wish I stopped to admire the moment. I see every moment as a passing thing that will be here no more and what will be lost? And thinking farther out into the night sky I think of all the stars, the planets, galaxies we've never seen! So much we're missing! Of course there is beauty and glory to come but this moment is just for this time. Comes and goes. Just that simple but means so much now, here in Bryan, Texas this October night.
There's comfort in two things right now. The first being the knowledge of the coming Kingdom. God will receive more glory then than this world has ever been capable of. Second I know that creation its self also brings glory to God, whether I acknowledge it or not. That's a comforting thing, though I know He doesn't need my praise. We though, being the final work of creation, being made in God's image, are called to a higher calling of worship.
God was perfectly fine before I ever came along but I know He want's my praise and I know He deserves glory and most of all I want to worship. It's my aim to find all the little things worth praising God's name for.


         One thing I have desired of the LORD,
         That will I seek:
         That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
         All the days of my life,
         To behold the beauty of the LORD,
         And to inquire in His temple.


This is it. This is the call that David felt and wrote on in Psalm 27 and that is what I have felt. I desire to seek the Truth of God in His Word and know Him. To see His beauty. To chase the rainbows.

Recent Thoughts: Worship and knowing Christ

It's almost been a month since my last post and with my first four weeks of college under my belt you'd think I've have a lot to say but really I feel like I could just rant about whatever for the longest time and that's not really what I wanted this blog for.

One thing I do want to talk about in the midst of all my stupid issues and just life being life is a book called Radical by David Platt. I'm partway through the second chapter and it's already one of the most exciting books I've read in a long while. I'm a literal guy and when I'm for something I'll die for it. So when this book encourages the passion for Christ in me I hardly can contain myself on the bus from A&M to Blinn. Christ is alive and He's a real guy. Now I know Him personally but sometimes I forgot that Jesus is more than a static savior. He is the most opinionated, most influential and most personal person you could ever meet. He has His way and it's the right one. I know all this sounds like Christian jargon and may bounce off the walls of learned minds like it did mine but hear this. Jesus is life. He was there in the beginning and He's here and now. Jesus is everything.
I was at Breakaway on Tuesday night and the worship leader simply said in one of those emotional instrumental song transitions to "think of all Jesus has done for you." I almost laughed. Everything He's done? I cried. For someone to think of all that Jesus has done for them is to die. To consider all the moments Christ guided me and all the times He was showing me Truth? That leaves me totally shaken. All the moment in Africa, at camp, at home, here and wherever coming to mind where I was aware of Jesus at work in my life. Blew me away.

Lately I've been thinking about God and who He says He is. When we sing about God we often stay in the safe zone of songs we can lift our hands too and smile at. Things that are true, of course, and perfect parts of God's character but it's like (in crude terms) describing an elephant and spending ten minutes on the trunk and never even mentioning the ears. God is loving, he is merciful and we are saved by His grace but in this I feel like we can loose a part of Who we worship. I've been reading through the minor prophets lately and I've loved it. One of my personal favorite moments is when God refers to Himself as "...a bear deprived of her cubs; I will tear open their rib cage, And there I will devour them like a lion." (Hosea 13:8) Yup. Today I read Habakkuk 3 and I highly recommend it.
Now I'm not saying we need to stop singing about how Jesus loves us but I feel like people forget that He's a forced to be reckoned with and that one day He will be returning with a holy army and a flipping sword coming from his mouth to judge the world, killing thousands of people. Maybe a little reverence? I remember reading so many Psalms to myself and just sort of skipping over the last few verses talking about the destruction of the wicked. Are we opposed to justice? Love wins, to be sure, but that's because Love freaking destroys what's not in Love. Do we read the Bible the way we like it to be? Do we accept just what we like about Jesus? Can I be accused of trying to create a Jesus "Michael" Christ? Yes, I think so. I don't think we need to be singing songs in church that go a bit more like: "Praise God, who commanded the death of nations, ever man, woman and child." But we do need to remember that He means business and isn't messing around.
Bringing it back to that book, he asks two questions about reading the Bible. "Was I going to believe Jesus?" and "Was I going to obey Jesus?" Jesus says crazy stuff. Are we going to listen?

All this goes to say a few things. I feel motivated to share Christ's truth so much right now and I feel like Blinn College is a perfect place to start. It's so small and the people there are so lost and apathetic and they're surrounded by a community of people seeking God. Lets do something! Jesus is alive in me and He will not be silent.

My cup runs over.

It has been quite some time and I do not have the time or the heart to share all that's happened. I've seen God at work this summer, I've come to know Him, others and myself better. I've cried, I've laughed, I've learned.

Tonight I sit surrounded by all the stuff God's graced me with, Skype calling with great friends. I've moved to college and God has been showing me His provision. With providing everything I need and so much of what I want and things I wouldn't have thought to ask for. I could tell stories of finical aid, free chest of drawers on the side of the road, a long forgotten desk returning, getting into classes I registered for late and my amazing parents and grandparents paying for the things I couldn't afford. I'm well looked after and well equipped and I praise the Lord for that.

I am so excited for this year. There is so much unknown to be afraid of that I can place in God's hands. I'm up against an invisible enemy in the dark with the purest Light at hand. This is a battle and it's worth fighting.

Tomorrow's Song

So there's an event that was supposed to just have happened on the 27th but I thought I would join in late. Jon Foreman suggested everyone write a song and the title "Tomorrow's Song" was picked and now there have been over 250 of these like-titled songs written. Here's mine.

Pray the last two hours back just to worry them away,

Yesterday we were all still kids but we're all grown up today,

No more time to sit on the roof and dream about revolution,

Everyone has gone along and gone to something new,

May not have made up our minds on what to do but we're doing it,

I've settled down in a familiar town in a comfy chair,

Just to watch myself lose my hair,

Oh tell me is this tomorrow's song?

Whatever happened to all our dreams?

Oh tell me is this tomorrow's song?

I never saw the shift in priority, has this happened to me? Oh!

We all have lives,

Will we choose to live?

We can change this would with all we can give,

And will we stand?

Or just take a seat?

Tell me are you Man or a piece of meat?

We can write tomorrow's song,

We are the generation of the strong,

It's not just about the way we greet the people living in the street,

Putting shoes on every orphan's feet,

Or trying not to drink so much,

It's the way we live day to day,

A quite rebellion in every heart,

Crying out for a second start,

Oh tell me is this tomorrow's song?

Can we still try to live our dreams?

Oh tell me is this tomorrow's song?

What if the whole world sang along?

Piano

5/27/10

 Who was the first to cry at the sound of a chord?

When was the first piano and song for it to sing?

How many have been ministered toby its passion?

Like the entertainment of the angels?

He plays in the dark,

Alone with his sighs,

Deep in the strength of the living song,

And the silent unknown sitter,

The quiet room is drowned in the echoing sway,

The sway of the sound and emotion,

He leans low over the keys,

Moving as a captive to the deluge,

The light of the moon washes across him,

With every breath of the song.

Father and farther into the emotion they sank,

In longing, loss and hope,

The song it danced,

A solemn sprite in her first and last dance,

The world swayed to her movement,

The stars sang along.

But the final note faded,

The pianist gave his last sigh,

The sitter was left alone as the door silently closed,

He slowly stood,

Sacred silence preserved,

And as a changed man,

Left.

A world far brighter.

So often the best thoughts come to you after being in bed for hours. After this episode I looked at the clock to see it's arms spread eagle. 3:45am ladies and gentleman, but I like the product.

Some day and some day soon I shall be born and I will enter a world far greater than what I have ever known. I don't know when but it will be soon. I will put a face to the voice I've come to know and love from the womb and I will be held in arms I have always longed for.
"All has lead to this." I will say, "This is the start of life and I can't wait to learn to run."

What do you want to be remembered as?

I've heard a lot of questions like this before but I've never really taken many seriously. Context I guess. When Kyle asked this I was open to think. It wasn't "What do you want on your grave stone" or stuff like that, it was worth thinking about because it made a difference. The answer to that question should shed light on how you live your life day by day, or at least how you desire to.
After some thought, pushing past all the different answers that sounded good and all the things that came to mind, I found the core of the honest truth of what I wanted to be remembered as. Whenever I leave a place, be it a room, a lunch, camp, conference, state, country or life, I want to be remembered as a man who knew God. A man who was familiar with God, was in His counsel, chilled with Him a lot, however you want to put it. This is it. Am I that guy? No, I know I'm not but that wont stop me now. I turned 18 two days ago, I'm young and God is always waiting to hang out.

Now I don't want you to feel pressured to think mine is the only good answer (or a good answer at all) but I want to ask you the same question. Who do you want to be remembered as?

People

I am always fascinated by people. I have spoken with many friends, for I am not the only one with this fascination, about people and we've landed on the idea that people are unpredictable. I know there is a science of humanity and that psychologically people can be very well know according to experience and personality types but generally we have such strong wills that we can do unpredictable things.
I've just written a short essay for school and I feel like sharing it. Many justified disclaimers come to mind about the lack of quality but I dislike when others roll theirs out so I'll refrain.

A few may have come and gone but four were steadfast. We sat around a small round table amid the business of the day. Some had been eating, some passing from the pool back to their rooms and others searched for someone else in the hotel. Amid the movement and sound, my four-sum sat and talked. Only myself and Amanda, the friend sitting to my right, had known each other long at all. Kyle and Austin, our new friends, we had met just the day before. Here though we were not strangers, we discussed our thoughts on many topics the unacquainted would feel uncomfortable sharing about. We spoke of our lives, loves, beliefs, issues and values. I have seen that many care for such conversations but fear the vulnerability required. Our conversation reached this point quickly near its start when Kyle pensively asked a simple question. I can picture him now sitting across from me, leaning back, starring off to his right and frowning behind his beard.

"What do you want to be remembered as?"

Many might have blown off the question or made a joke of it but Kyle had judged his audience well. We each set on the question with eager openness and careful intent. Slowly we went around our table, each genuinely produced our answers and so we were bound close. These eyes with whom I shared my heart were understanding, welcoming to my heart and happy to hear what I might say. I found myself learning truths of myself along with the party.

Our cheerful exchange continued through many topics and without pause. In laughter we ardently spoke of literature, morality, personal habits, music and whatever caught our fancy. I may never know how long we all sat together but I do know this was only the start of something. We spent a week together and the comradeship grew as the time lapsed. Kyle and Austin were my fast friends and I was sorry to see them go but I knew I had not seen the last of them.

Many people come and go but there are those who will stay, though far away, and those who will help you know yourself. People take years to know but today I know that brothers can be made in a matter of days.

March (A Prelude To Spring)

So Sleeping At Last has done it again. Not only is their "March EP" wonderful but who should be featured but Jon Foreman himself? Craziness. He sure seems to show up a lot in my life, particularly (and expectedly) in the music in my life. Sleeping At Last was one of the only bands I have loved that had no affiliation to Switchfoot... until now! Really it just makes me laugh.
Today was a beautiful day. I went for a bike ride and it wasn't until I was on the way home that I realized the extent of the chill of the piercing wind. It is still very cold.

I can not wait to hear this.

Amazing Things

So some time ago I was introduced to a website called Noise Trade. It's a wonderful free-trade site where artists upload their music and you can download it and tip them if you care to. My brother had posted on facebook linking to free music from this site. It was legal, uploaded by the artists themselves, and the album cover was pleasant and intriguing to me. I downloaded the album "Storyboard" by Sleeping At Last that day and at the time had no idea what sort of impact it would have. Since I have bought much more of their music and am enjoying every moment of it. They're sound is so true, beautiful and skillful. Lyrically challenging, vocally captivating and musically enveloping. I can relate so much with what's being communicated and the tracks have led me through many days.
Now they still have music on Noise Trade and I greatly encourage you to download it. I mean come on, who doesn't like free music? It's six of what I consider to be some of their best work yet and I can't wait for you to hear it, just click the artwork.

Thank you, Facebook.

This is just what I need!

So direct, informative and spiritual!

The end of the beginning

So this is where I am, the final semester of high school! It's such a funny place in life, like, even as a nutty homeschooler I still have felt the hierarchy of the classes and now I'm technically at the top. Woohoo. This semester is going to be fun, being at home with my family, studying, reading, playing music, watching Psych, going to fantastic conferences and just enjoying life like we're all meant to. This semester I hope to see every sunset and glory in the absolute power of my Maker.
Today is the best day because it's all you have, make it what you can. Today is the beginning of my sunset marathon. I need to acquire a camera to capture the really brilliant ones.

So music is a big part of my life and I lead worship a lot when I can but I rarely listen to worship music on my own. Today though I have been working on my old worship playlist and it's pretty cool, these songs are pretty nice. I found My Savior My God by Aaron Shust on an old WOW disc I found a few minutes ago and it's still a really good song. Woot.

[I almost started this paragraph with 'So' but noticed the first two did so I changed it.]
According to plan and speculation I'll be moving to Texas in 114 days. That's actually pretty simultaneously exciting and daunting, as many things are. [Break Me Down by Tenth Avenue North is playing, go listen to it!] I'm looking forward to getting to America and starting my life there and being sneaky and acting like I totally know what's going on in the American scene. I'll enjoy Christian radio, wide roads, driving, understanding words, (though missing the meaning) my awesomely wonderful friends there, siblings the lack of sketchy bill boards, general cleanness and just the spiritual intake. On the other hand saying goodbye to Europe is going to be so strange. I mean, Slovakia is my home of all the homes I know. Leaving Europe, the cobblestone streets, the accent dirtiness, the old downtowns, trains, public transit, friends scattered everywhere, gratify, right-angled curbs, two story houses, snow, my family, my room, travel and Kofola, best soft drink of all time.

I am content in this though, that every one has their time, you were my age once and I will be yours or perhaps I have been yours and you will be mine. We all have our time and we live our lives where we are, bloom where we're planted and dance where our feet hit the ground. Here I'll live and there I shall as well. If I let Him, God will make me an explosion of love and passion for Him and His people that will sweep from one place to the next. God's ready for everything and I am His, here I stand by His side, we're ready for the world.